I am going to vent on my own frustrations of myself for a moment. I am feeling a bit bummed and disappointed in how I've been here lately. I have been so tired, grouchy, irritable, upset, disappointed, depressed, pitiful on myself and this needs to stop. I need to be more positive, see things as I tell my students- that things are half full, not half empty- rather than BLAH BLAH BAH HUMBUG BLAH MUTTER MUTTER BLAH....
Seriously, am I having this bout of feelings due to the weather? Am I feeling trapped by these hills around me? Am I locked into too much day in, day out, same'ole same'ole? I think so...
Yeah, I don't sleep much. Yeah, I have a husband who snores like a different animal angry each night (I love you, though, Wayan), but, I do have a pretty healthy self- a little overweight and out of shape- but I nourish my baby with my body. I have bags under my eyes because I'm so afraid of the unknown with my boy (and because of the hard core snoozing happening with my better half)- but I still have pretty good vision and I'm not ill with anything that can't be cured. I have a pretty good eye for photography and see a vision before I shoot, for the most part. I need to look at things like that and not be so gosh-darn negative and disgusted with myself and the way things are.
I have a healthy baby boy who keeps me up a lot lately. He's so funny and looks so precious the way he army-crawls on the floor, the way he picks foods up with his fingers to eat, the way he holds his sippy cup...I can't get these days back and I need to snap out of this nasty 'things are bad with me' feeling.
Yes- I am going on and on about this. BUT, I have come clean...three friends of mine today pointed out in three occasions that things could be so much worse with EACH of our lives and be blessed for what we have and work to fix things and to hold on to what we have...I have a job (which is hard to come bye) I have a fantastic husband (which is hard to come bye) and I need to be in better spirits with life in general each day...not only for me, but for my baby boy- I can't bare to think how he'd react to such negativity.
So, if I'm being a 'debbie downer'- STOP ME!!!!! REMIND ME that things are much better and to be blessed.
Love you, family and dear friends who have been more than encouraging for me... :)
I spent a large portion of my life acting this way and my husband told me time and time again to snap out of it. Then, I came across Multitude Mondays at aholyexperience.com. I began keeping a gratitude journal. Initially, I would write down 10 things every day that I was thankful for. No matter what I was faithful to it and WOW, it has changed my life. I wrote a little about here: http://ambocullum.blogspot.com/2010/11/journey-of-faith-friday-thankfulness.html.
ReplyDeleteThen Ann Voskamp (the author of aholyexperience.com and Multitude Mondays) published a book and WOW again! It is worth the read. The name: ONE THOUSAND GIFTS. It is about her gratitude journey. How she came from a place of pain, sorrow, and frustration into a life of true joy.
I loved the book so much that I started a local book club, for this book only.
I would totally recommend it.
Each Monday I post my list of gratitude. It helps keep me disciplined.
Sorry to write a book.
Amber, I read your posts and see that your Multitude Mondays are very special and it is very positive. You know me and have known me longer than most anyone. I'm not usually a negative person...at least not before.
ReplyDeleteI know it has alot to do with ME after having Aiden...Postpartum Depression. I wish there were a group here locally to join for PPD, but there isn't. I'll make it through, I've got to! But this dark time I face is hurting me and those I love and are around each and every day.
Thanks for the inspiring words!